Listenting Skills
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Lesson Eight
Listening Skills
1. I’ve worked for many different types of supervisors, really, very many. Some were good; some were bad, very bad. Some were strict, some were lax, and some could have been considered unbalanced. But without a doubt, the absolute worst supervisors were those that did not listen. I’m not talking about someone who has a hearing problem but rather a person who is looking right at you, hears what you’re saying, and somehow manages to mentally mangle the verbal message you just gave them.
2. It took me years to understand that there are many obstacles or mental barriers that people have that they are unaware of. It’s these obstacles or mental barriers that prevent them from actually processing and understanding the message or words they are hearing. Lesson Eight should heighten your awareness about these barriers, and give you the necessary information to understand, work with, or get rid of any barriers you have which will allow you to process and hear important messages from your boss and others; as well as people you supervise. Understanding and passing on the value of good listening skills is so important that in my house we had a rule. I called it the ‘Parent Time-Out’ Rule. I know there is a question out there, because I can see that someone has their hand up, so I’ll explain the rule. As everyone knows, parents can sometimes get caught up in being grown-up when dealing with their children. Sometimes we get so used to talking and telling that we are not listening. And sometimes that’s a bad thing.
3. It can be a bad thing because usually when your mouth is open, for some reason your ears have a tendency to close. Guess what? When that happens you miss out on all sorts of stuff that you could have heard had you not been trumpeting like an angry elephant. So in my house our children had the right to use a safe-word which was Parent Time-Out, that let me know that I was talking, briefing, or trumpeting when I should have been listening and therefore needed to be quiet, take a time-out, and let them talk. This method worked for us, and allowed respect and good communication to flow both ways, and ensure that everyone actually understood what everyone else was talking about. You may not be able to do this in the workplace until you become a Boss, but you can definitely understand and learn to work around any communications issues that other people may have. Especially once you understand the reasons why they have them.
4. Let’s get to it, shall we? Listening is a complex process involving four separate and related components: receiving, attending, assigning meaning, and remembering. Reading about these components is one thing but you also need to understand them. So here we go:
a. Receiving: This is the actual physical process of picking up the verbal and non-verbal stimuli that form the basis of whatever it is someone is telling you. If you cannot see or hear all the visual symbols and gestures that go with the verbal message then your ability to understand declines.
b. Attending: Another fancy word, but all it means is that you have to ‘pay attention.’ How many times have we all heard that? “Hmmm, Mr. Peeler I see you in the second row, please sit-up and PAY ATTENTION!” Yep, that was me. So when you’re listening you cannot allow yourself to become distracted by an audience, co-workers, stray thoughts, or anything else. You have to listen to the person and the message they’re trying to communicate.
c. Assigning meaning: Paying attention to a speaker does not mean you are listening effectively. You can receive a message while paying close attention to a foreign language speaker and still not engage in the total listening process. You have to understand the context of what the person is saying and attach meaning to it. Years ago I had a martial arts instructor who did not speak English fluently. However, he always used to tell us that if we paid attention and followed along with what he was doing and saying then we would understand exactly what he meant. And we did!
d. Remembering: This is the most involved of the processes because you must be able to store information so you can recall it later. This part of the process is what gives you the ability to work without constant supervision. Why? Because when you remember things like tasks and intructions in detail, your boss won’t have to waste time explaining him or herself to you over and over again. Supervisors like that kind of thing. If you find yourself forgetting things or nervousness prevents you from hearing the ‘good stuff’ then keep a small notebook (shirt pocket size) and take notes to refer to later.
5. Now let’s talk about some of those things that prevent people from actively listening to one another:
a. Conceptual problems: Listening is not a passive act, you have to practice it and become totally involved with what someone is saying to share meaning with that person.
b. Organizational problems: You know what this is; sometimes people in charge are okay with telling underlings what to do and how to do it. But quite often they’re not prepared to listen to, or hear, well crafted and logical feedback from those that work for them. Go back and re-read paragraphs two and three. See?
c. Procedural problems: This is listening to the right people but at the wrong time. A good example might be getting yelled at by your parents for doing something you weren’t supposed to. The yelling or reprimand could have been avoided had the first opportunity to listen to them and follow their instructions been taken seriously.
d. Language problems: You may encounter communication difficulties when dealing with people who have different levels of language proficiency. Remember people differ in educational backgrounds, expectations, and experience. Words can and do mean different things to different people. Another language obstacle is the emotional quality of words. Be aware that the emotional quality and meaning of words can sidetrack us or lead to confusion and mixed messages.
e. Attitudinal: I have never liked this word. I guess because growing up and later as a young adult I was often accused of having an attitude. I never had an attitude but I was extremely confident in my abilities and therefore did not have time for people who had nothing useful to say. But we’ll see how some attitudes can play into peoples ‘perception’ of others and interfer with receiving verbal messages (listening).
1. People have a natural tendency to evaluate and approve or disapprove of what others have to say. The solution to this obstacle is to listen with understanding and consideration. And of course there are those people who adopt the attitude that they are superior to listeners. The more aggressive (or stubborn) a person seems to be, the greater the tendency for that person to dominate the conversation rather than listen.
2. Another obstacle is believing that a listener’s intelligence is closely related to listening behavior. This is not true, there is little correlation between intelligence and listening. It is also natural to assume that as our hair gets gray and we become older that we become better listeners; this is not necessarily true either. There is also a belief that good readers are good listeners; again, not necessarily true.
3. Lastly, being able to hear does not make one a good listener. As we talked about earlier, a person can receive the stimuli or message and even pay attention to it. However, effective listening also involves assigning meaning and remembering. The one fact that distinguishes hearing from listening is that hearing involves the receiving of stimuli, while listening involves all four components of the listening process. Have you ever told someone: “You’re listening to me but you don’t understand what I’m saying!” Quite often these words are uttered in frustration and anger. Perhaps now, you can avoid those incidents by being a good listener and understanding why some people aren’t.
6. Before we send you out with your new found knowledge, lets go over a few suggestions for improving your listening skills and then we’ll wrap this up with a quick test. These suggestions will not apply in all cases, but at least one will apply at any given time.
a. Get ready to listen: Listening requires physical and mental preparation. Put away distactions like electronic media and anything else that’s a problem. Tune out random thoughts, noise, and physical discomforts. Pay close attention to, and be ready for, the person’s opening remarks. If this is something that you should have a little knowledge about, prepare for it and be ready to answer questions.
b. Accept responsibility for understanding: Knowledge cannot be poured into you like water from a jug. You have to want to hear, learn, and listen. That is your responsibility, do not take it lightly. If the setting allows for it and you do not understand something, then ask!
c. Listen for ideas, not just facts: Don’t just concentrate on supporting facts because you may miss main ideas. Remember a speaker’s reason for offering these facts is usually to develop an important generalization from them.
d. Don’t tune out dry subjects.
e. Don’t be argumentative.
f. Keep your mind open: Remember those supervisors I mentioned earlier? The fact they were often close-minded and unable to remain unbiased on any particular topic, created a lot of problems. Don’t be that way!
g. Understand the speaker’s perspective: Knowing a little about the person or speaker and their message may assist you with ‘getting’ what they’re trying to tell you.
h. Don’t judge the speaker’s delivery: Do not let the speaker’s delivery or the way they talk influence your response to the message. Always respond to content first and delivery last. Remember that martial arts instructor I told you about?
i. Adjust to listening handicaps: One more time; remember the martial arts instructor story? Accents, poor grammar, or a room with bad acoustics can present barriers to effective listening. Being aware of, and understanding, that these things happen will help remedy the problem for you. Laughing at or insulting the person does not help, and only demonstrates your level of insensitivity. Listen, you’ll hear the message.
7. Ready for that test we talked about earlier? Look at that, that person in the back is trying to sneak out…that’s okay, I know you’re ready!
a. Your boss is from Armenia and has a real thick accent. At times it’s hard to understand him, so much so that people you work with make rude comments about him. Mr. Arslanian (your boss) tells you that he would like to talk with you in his office. Knowing he’s a good guy but really hard to understand you do which of the following?
1. Tell your co-workers that Mr. ‘Horse’s Arse’ wants to see you in his office and that this should be good especially since you can’t understand a word of what he says.
2. Take a deep breath, ensure your appearance is okay, clear your mind and prepare to concentrate on what Mr. Arslanian is saying.
3. Spill coffee on yourself to avoid sitting and talking with Mr. Arslanian.
4. None of the above.
Note: The correct answer is number two.
b. You have an issue to discuss with your supervisor. You’ve only been on the job for several months but you have an idea that if used will save the company thousands of dollars. You pull your supervisor to the side and discuss your concerns and your solution. Your supervisor looks at you and tells you, “Thanks for the information, but come back to me when you’ve been on the job a little while longer and you’ve had the opportunity to supervise someone.” This is an example of what type of barrier to effective listening?
1. Attitudinal.
2. Conceptual.
3. Organizational.
4. Language.
Note: The correct answer is number three.
8. Well that’s it for now; there will be a big test at the end of the leadership module. We’ll see you there, but please, feel free to stay for the next two lessons.
Conclusion: As always, feel free to let me know if this lesson was of any help to you. Positive or negative feedback is appreciated. Note: This briefing guide was adapted from AFP 36-2241, Vol – 1, 1 July 1999, pages 302 and 303.
Very Respectfully
Ronald Peeler
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